just so u know, its all mine..

open up this blog, making sure its damn unknown to ppl, so that i could probably just say what i wanted. so watever said, stays here. dont bother me.

all i said here, is all abt my life.. practically a rough brief. aint gonna give too much, as long as its good to let go of my past, im contented. Ppl never really listen, so why not just type it right? :)


well, here it goes..



Chapter 1



Ever since I was young, nothing ever really pleases me but to have a happy family. One that will sit down together, and communicate. Too bad, I never really did have them. All I can remember in my childhood was my parents fighting. And how my siblings and I reacted. We practically just locked ourselves in one room, hoping and praying to god to keep us safe. Keep mummy safe. At times we just play with our toys trying to pretend everything is alright.



Whenever my parents got into a fight, my mum will always ended up with bruises. One day, I peak from the bed room, and I saw daddy giving blows to mum. Somehow, I and my sis got the courage to get out of the room and try to stop him. But we ended up getting thrown to the walls. As we recover from the pain, all we can do is just watch her getting the pain. Anger and rage mix with the feeling of being so pathetic. Knowing that I’m not strong enough to stop him. I watch and watch and watch, that’s all I could every do.



As I grew up, the fights got more frequent. Practically everyday. By then, I’m old enough to start going out on my own. Everyday, I came home late just to avoid those fighting. Since I can’t seek attention at home, I seek for it outside, in school. Eventually, teachers hate me. Friends aren’t really a friend. My grades started to slip. The more people try to shut me from their world, the more trouble I create. Trying every single way to make them acknowledge me.



My parents had gotten the divorce when I was 11 years old. I was the only one under my dad’s custody. One whom I hate for giving me a pathetic childhood. One who was never at home. One who was never there for parent meeting session. One who was never there to hug me to tell me how proud he was when I had good grades. 4/5 of my life, he wasn’t there to see me grow up. Too busy fooling around. I’m going to live with someone whom I barely knew. That night, I started to cry for the first time in many years. I wanted so badly to live with my mum. But there’s nothing I could do. I was a minor. I have no say in the situation. Eventually, situation became so complexes. To get rid of those pains, I started to be more violent and temperamental. A heart that is filled with nothing but hatred and anger. Trusting no one but myself. A period where I make sure everyone felt the pain that I felt. Making sure everyone’s life is filled with misery. Just like mine.